Black Friday Deals

Black Friday deals and ads will be popping up online for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. In fact, there will be so many Black Friday deals popping onto your computer screen right and left it will make your eyes water.

Black Friday naturally follows "Stuff Your Face" Thursday which people traditionally call Thanksgiving. But, merchants call this day "Thank You God" because they know that the biggest shopping day of the year is about to occur.

The Black Friday deals and online ads are what it is all about, however. People can save 30-percent, 50-percent and up to 500-percent on all items at certain stores. Okay, not 500-percent as that would mean the stores would owe you money.

But, you get my drift. I think. I'm out in a lifeboat here so perhaps you don't get my drift. Please send help as I'm babbling now. So, to sum up, I'm babbling and Black Friday is followed by Recovery Saturday.

The deals are so vast on Black Friday and the ads so engaging that it will drive many people to a state of shopping exhaustion. Others, like myself, however, will cower indoors, drinking a glass of wine, shopping on the computer as others wear battle gear that can only be found on the Xbox to travail the shopping malls and mini malls.

The Black Friday deals for Christmas may involve buy one get one free, buy two get one free, get store credit if they don't have what you want, or a rain check or Rain Man, yeah, definitely, definitely Rain Man.

But, more Black Friday deals for Christmas may include the actual swapping of your child for their favorite toy or video game. I'm not saying this is a good trade, but in the shopping madness of Black Friday this is something parents may just do accidentally.

Besides Recovery Saturday, Black Friday is also followed by Brown Sunday. On Brown Sunday the exhilaration and denial wears off and people are suddenly aware of how much money they have spent and they poop their pants.

Yes, literally poop their pants. Now Brown Sunday is naturally followed by Wash Day Monday were soiled undergarments and over garments are washed thoroughly and the week starts anew.

The deals on Black Friday are so engaging that people will lose control of their bodily functions so Mop Up on Aisle 5 Tuesday is what the retail stores engage in. On this day, there are no more deals or ads running and no patrons in the store because of the bad economy.

The retailers are getting ready for their next post Black Friday sales complete with new ads and merchandising. Christmas gifts will be up for grabs and great deals to be had all the way up to and including Christmas Eve.

So, to recap, spend Black Friday online as there are many ads and deals to be had. Don't go to the shopping malls or you may be trampled at Walmart, Target, K-Mart and some of the other big retails stores.

Instead you can spend your Black Friday online at places like eBay where with under one minute left in the auction, you can skulk and put in the high bid before anyone else with slower fingers is able to manage. And, if you win and poop yourself, you can do this in the privacy of your own home. And, that my friend is what the Christmas season is all about - crass commercialism in private. And happy new beer to you, too!